Tinfoil Hats and Mustache Wax

Many nights I sit down to write after a day which was nothing more than checking blocks on the laundry list. A lot of you know how it is to try to hit a 2000 word quota when you are your manager. It’s in these exhausted evenings when I strike up the inspiration by getting a little creative and a little weird. Some of you may like to blow the dust off of the type writer–others reach for that fancy quill. While I enjoy the mild mannered modern excuse for eccentricity as much as the next mogul I have a tendency to crave a bit more inspiration than the clack of keys or the practice of keeping a metal tip wet with ink. Today I thought I would share with you some of the things I like to do to ensure my eyelids don’t stick together when it is time to write. Grab your sliver of graphite and some fresh parchment to take notes on. Without further ado here are 11 of my favorite methods of inspiration:

  1. It is always a good practice to keep living things around you when you’re trying to be creative. I like to try to catch something outside my house and bring it inside to watch me write.
  2. I scoop up as much wasabi as I can get on one chopstick, devour the clump, then do jumping jacks until the burning stops. I’m not sure of what impact it has on me, but the words really start flowing under duress.
  3. I read articles about motorcycle maintenance placing myself in the eye of a spark plug or cadence of a good ratchet.
  4. As many of you know, I am quite fond of gasoline. Sometimes a little splash in between the toes is just the trick for getting your creativity lubricated.
  5. If you’ve never played a melodica with one hand while writing I suggest you figure out how to add that to your life.
  6. When I’m exhausted to the point of feeling like I am playing charades with myself I like to watch Cirque du Soleil videos to imagine being as aware as those performers.
  7. Dress up. Getting into character helps me embrace the mind of a floor manager at the plant, the detective who has almost figured out that his wife has left him while he was at work, or the murderer with OCD who can’t stop washing under his fingernails.
  8. Ines. I survive by nicotine and caffeine. Sometimes you need a little something extra. Along my travels I like to collect various anti-sleep remedies from the truckers I encounter. If words aren’t happening I go to my little stash and try the most colorful thing I see.
  9. I converted a section of my basement into a planetarium. This is great for when I want to feel like I am in control of the universe.
  10. I collect old war medals and imagine what acts must have been performed to earn each one. I’m not talking about your standard purple hearts either. I want to know about the Good Conduct Medals and the Navy Achievement Medals. How many consecutive days of stirring the flaming barrel of human feces does it take to get a commendation around here anyway?
  11. It’s good to be older. I’ve owned a lot of things in my time. Some I sold, some I gave away, and others I have kept around to be my muse. I like to break out an old Mac from time to time. No internet and no frills with this machine. It keeps me from being distracted so I can focus on the fresh crimes in my mind.

I’m calling you out. I want to know how you handle that unruly voice in your head that tells you to have another glass of wine or go work on that squeaky door to the crawl space. Leave a comment about your secrets of discipline. Also join me on Twitter as I set out to connect with all of you on a more regular basis. As always, check out Modern Waste on Amazon and stay tuned for my upcoming works of non-fiction.

2 thoughts on “Tinfoil Hats and Mustache Wax

  1. Pingback: Late to the Party and Strange Writing Habits – Marc D. Crepeaux

  2. #1 is inspiring, although I can’t say that snakes or lizards would do much for my concentration. I haave a four legged fur baby. She snores by my feet. I think the vibrattions of the sound waves must do something…


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